Pain

Today the pain is so much worse. I can't believe that my boy is gone. Rationally I tell myself that he was old and so very sick. I did not realize that we had been owned by him for over nine years until I looked at the receipt from our vet trip yesterday. Like I told you in yesterday's post, at the time he showed up at our house the vet thought he was at the very least five or six years old. I will never know if he escaped from someone or if he was dumped off on me. I have always wondered if he wasn't an escapee of some sort since he was a Black Smoke British Shorthair and no one in our area had ever seen a cat like him. His hair was black with white roots, and felt like mink or chinchilla. All day yesterday before we went to the vet, he laid on my chest with his head on my shoulder, so I could cup his face to mine. I will never feel that soft fur against my face again and it is breaking my heart. I just don't know how I can live without him.
I put off going to bed last night as long as I could, because Douglas always slept on my pillow. A few years ago I was having sinus problems, and I was awakened by a soft slap on my mouth. It was Douglas, and my husband was there laughing, he said that I was snoring and Douglas slapped to wake me up. Apparently I was disturbing his sleep. He was such a diva boy. But I didn't care, I loved him with all my heart and it is breaking in two.